why does it have to be so confusing

tired of wasting so much breath

tired of spending time on something im unsure of

tired so tired

not sleeping

nightmares every night

every few hours

ruining our nights

what is my life

why does it have to be so confusing

i keep trying to break up

i can hear him outside sobbing to his mom on the phone

all day i have tried

deep scars fresh from a lashing

i have nothing left to lose

my family hates me

my job ends next week

all of my debt is pounding on my door and im not doing anything about it

i am not attractive

i make no one happy

this was only a matter of time

i wonder how long we'll have to share this space before we can get out

theres no point in staying here anymore

ill probably just disappear instead

buster

is my fave

i really just want to be closer

i want to be better friends

i wish we had had more time before we went so far so fast

i cant go back

we cant take steps back

i dont know how to ease into happiness now that we're so far fucked

all i do is- SHUT THE FUCK UP

im tired of talking shit here like it helps me out.

things are going so great that i invent ways to be angry and reasons to go too far.

it's an unhealthy cycle of me not saying what bothers me out loud but putting it in a secret far away place that means nothing.


I'M AFRAID THAT I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR BRADLEY.

I'M AFRAID THAT SOON ENOUGH HE WILL REALIZE THIS TOO.

I'M AFRAID THAT MY INSECURITIES PREVENT ME FROM SHARING A PURE LOVE WITH BRADLEY.

I KNOW THAT I AM IN MY OWN WAY.

its only right that i be left again and again of my own will

he started doing all the things ive asked him to

he cleaned up all his stuff

he's mailing his records

his life is already ten times better without me

who am i to stop the right thing from happening

its only right that i be left again and again of my own will

do i really want to break up?

i need a schedule

and i need him to have a schedule

all this freedom is making us angry


i made a mistake

i told him to leave


what will i do without him?

he's washing the dishes

not talking to me

feels like he's just making sure he ties up all loose ends

im afraid he'll tell somebody

im afraid he'll enjoy being without me


i have to go stop him


i dont want to be alone, i just need some alone time