everything is so great

and i am so depressed

business idea

a cook book

about how to

reheat left-overs

in a way

that makes them

even

better

than

the first time.

love love

so much love talk to talk:

last weekend bradley and i went to a skate video premiere

great time, got wasted

after, on the walk home bradley told me he was going to marry me some day.

im in san jose this weekend for labor day with my dad

he wrote a song for my step bro's wedding and we are going to sing together

also found out he wrote a song about me and berg back in the day when we came to visit him. about summer lovin and how its good but fleeting.

and now, the kicker:

he also wrote a song about how my mom cheated on him...

never knew.

i've actually never asked either of them why they got divorced.

in my memory, they fought a lot, my dad worked in california, i remember them hitting each other once... it just made sense they would separate.

anyway, quite overwhelming all of it.

every piece of this post is as shocking and world shattering as anything ever could be. sorry i can't do it justice by explanation. i'm just quite, surprised i guess at my own cosmic hoopty ride this weekend.

i'd rather be lonely than happy with somebody else

if one, just one friend would call when they say they will, i'll feel like i have any.

today i got so, and i mean like raging, so sad because i wanted to go get dinner and a drink and my one someone didn't want to. totally legit not to want to. totally lame that i have NO other friends.

but i hate everyone.

i only like people who don't live here and they never call me back.

bradley is my best friend.

i'd be lost without him.

even more lost than i am now.

super thankful

highlights of today

american idol auditions were today in sf at at&t park

i did not attend as planned.

instead,

i moved the twilight movie to the #1 position in my netflix queue

and i dropped out of community college.

time to get really really high.

skool

its familiar but i feel superior

aka im a bitch

i dont want to make friends but im annoyed that no one tried

ugh

i have to make friends

its what i do

i want a study group like Community

potentials:

18 yr old girl in my camera class that said, "oh, you," today.

18-22 y/o girl i hate in gospel choir that stared at me smiling all day monday, clearly trying to be friends because i was the only other white person.

~20 y/o niko from theatre who laughed when i said, "he's just working out," as the emotional expression the dude posing as 'shocked' was tableau-ed in.

~20 y/o niko's gf who goes everywhere he goes.

i just need some more oldies and it'll be good.

...

i'm tired