i really just want to be closer

i want to be better friends

i wish we had had more time before we went so far so fast

i cant go back

we cant take steps back

i dont know how to ease into happiness now that we're so far fucked

all i do is- SHUT THE FUCK UP

im tired of talking shit here like it helps me out.

things are going so great that i invent ways to be angry and reasons to go too far.

it's an unhealthy cycle of me not saying what bothers me out loud but putting it in a secret far away place that means nothing.


I'M AFRAID THAT I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR BRADLEY.

I'M AFRAID THAT SOON ENOUGH HE WILL REALIZE THIS TOO.

I'M AFRAID THAT MY INSECURITIES PREVENT ME FROM SHARING A PURE LOVE WITH BRADLEY.

I KNOW THAT I AM IN MY OWN WAY.

its only right that i be left again and again of my own will

he started doing all the things ive asked him to

he cleaned up all his stuff

he's mailing his records

his life is already ten times better without me

who am i to stop the right thing from happening

its only right that i be left again and again of my own will

do i really want to break up?

i need a schedule

and i need him to have a schedule

all this freedom is making us angry


i made a mistake

i told him to leave


what will i do without him?

he's washing the dishes

not talking to me

feels like he's just making sure he ties up all loose ends

im afraid he'll tell somebody

im afraid he'll enjoy being without me


i have to go stop him


i dont want to be alone, i just need some alone time

things are not going well

he wants to go to sf this summer.

you mean the place we just ran away from?

just for fun.

with my money?

i need a car to secure my job with the parks n rec dept.

doesnt matter to me.

i hate everything

i miss college

i teared up at the store today when tom petty said the future was wide open and the sky was limit.

i remember that

in my dream

bradley held my hand and told me he chose jeanette.

this morning i look over and theyre chatting online.

i hate everyone.