stomach ache

so much delicious shepherd's pie made with ingredients from the farmer's market bought with foodstamps.

adidaportland

next season on american idol:

simon: why are you here?

me: bc im the next american idol...but really, im just hoping to get closer to lee dewyze.

cookie party

all i think about is portland.

trip will be great. can't wait to see peeps.

erica and i are moving to oakland. jessie's coming.

bradley reminds me of jon timm in a creepy way.

i always liked jon timm but like it creeps me the ways he reminds me of him. just skinny, and not into being tough.

but then sometimes he is tough. but just so skinny.

i want to do whatever i want in portland.

4.23.2010

woke up at 8:45 in all of my clothes from last night, feeling dizzy.

found erica in katie's bed and the jundt's folding in the living room.

coffee breakfast at cafe flore, amazing.

byebye jundt's.

home, rat bowl.

walked to rei, got tan.

sweet tank,.

farted, i mean barted to lake merritt (accidentally of course).

oakland farmer's market tamale and cupcake, katie's work, diet cokes.

brick wall, burton bag, double coke.

moma.

f car, backwards.

the more you weigh, the more we pay!

pahy.

dlx.

tacobell/kfc.

blackbird photobooth.

rat bowl, rooftop, autophoto.

proj run.

am id.

erica: god, we ate terribly today.

erica's stomach: yep.

owwwwwwww.

barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlph.

ok, can we plz b done blogging. omg rofl.

hella dang

erica's here. this is how life should always be.

last night was like the best night of my life.

got off work, ate delicious quesadillas and rice and salsa salad, went to the gayest man-bar of all time (like bears) where eric n i were the only women to have probably ever stepped foot inside the doors, watched american idol and glee (madonna special), drank nummy drinks and cheered at the tv while blazed out of our gourds.

im wild about bradley. we spent like a full 24 hours away from each other and i went wild for him today when i saw him for an hour.

i took the muni to his place straight from work.

he was so cute. i had to fuck him.

i left and met matt, al, cody at pilsner to get matt's keys. unlocked the door for erica waiting at the gate. drank a bud. now listening to boxcar racer in my bed, drinking wine, getting paid.

erica just now from her book, "hunchback! god, i love this!!"

doin gr8!

too good to be true?

i have never been so mushy and gay fag in my lyfe.

to be honest sometimes he creeps me out. but i still find myself saying these things i can't even believe are coming out of my mouth and instantly questioning and analyzing the sheer vulnerability i'm subjecting myself to and wondering if i'm not really just a devil in disguise.

can i really mean these things?

can i really posses these feelings?

of having a future? of being domestic? of traveling together?

how fast can i move? why aren't i stopping? it's like a drug.

awesome night at patches's'zzz, grilled cheese and tomato soup, sexy $exy time, bong rips, even awesome interaction/conversation with the roomies...i honestly questioned to myself tonight if he was going to someday murder me...

erica. please. come. meet him. and herlp mer firgure myr lirfe ourt.

i'm clearly incapable of sound logic or focused emotions.

(is he really the travis barker i pretend he is?)

my heart is melting all over the floor

drip.

barf.

lozin must

woke up unable to talk.

been reppin sexy rasp all day.

he wakes up at 8 and doesnt fall back asleep.

im trying so hard to let the dream take me back in.

distracted by the promise of morning sex i give in and after attempt at least a few more moments of sleep. but he is awake and chats until i respond making it impossible to get back.

i slept in his tshirt. my favorite of his.

its a thrasher shirt with a dude in a coffin and another dude doing a skate trick on the edge of the coffin. dude in the coffin's speech bub reads, "oh, you skate? who cares."

i get dressed and brush my teeth and rain drops show up on the window. he insists i wear his rain jacket home.

i go to safeway feeling like the warmest gf.

home from safeway i skate down my epic hallway on his skateboard that he left yesterday.

i make a frozen spinach and cheese organic pizza but while the oven is preheating i eat a small chicken ceasar pre-made salad. all the while taking bong rips and listening to blink 182.

kate comes home and we girl talk while i make some $ on the webs.

later he comes back over and we make out on my bed listening to blink. he goes, "this is like high school. i love it."

then we walk to the taco bell/kfc and i get a call from jessie. i ask him if he'll get my nachos when they call me and tho they've taken down my name and therefore he does not need it, he asks if he can have my receipt anyway. while on the phone with jessie outside i glance back inside and catch him watching me from the table.

we leave and stand on the street corner for a good five struggling to decide what to do. we choose happy hour but want to stop at my place to pick up his board.

at my place we find al and matt and kate who all want to go out as well. however, chatting leads to snacking leads to napping leads to hayley and jay dropping off al's old futon aka my new bed. i immediately find myself consumed in reorganizing my room and he quickly sneaks away back to his place.

i put my desk on the street and his art on my walls. i love a new setup.

by the time im done sean andries and kate cantwell are at my door to stay the night before their auditions for cirque du soleil tmw morning.

we get high and then matt and al and kate leave for shine.

bradley comes back over and we listen to music, buy and drink beers*, watch silly things on the interwebs, get higher, eat half a vicodin and then head to bed.

(*when we came home with the beers, kate and sean went to their car to get sleeping bags and bradley and i had crazy time in the kitchen. mo that led to hjs that led to some kitchen counter doggy style that lasted like 3 minutes before they got back with their things. just a tease but wow adventure town thrilling hot cukoo.)

he doesnt want to get sick and im sure he will so he goes home.

i lay in my bed and blog the best day in recorded history.

i may have the same mouth virus/infection/cold/illness my boss had last week in which she lost 9 lbs from not being able to eat for 5 days. she was in the hospital and hooked up to an iv for a couple of days.

i cant afford not to work.

id love to go crazy for BIN and stay home sick but still make money. i mean if in fact i have this crazy weight loss illness. (fingers slightly crossed)

its just nice to have a back up money making solution when feeling ill. and a desire to lose weight before going home to portland in the spring.

bradley told me he usually dates girls that are bigger than me and i reminded him that im huge (which mostly means that hes tiny).

last night we got in a fight over pubes.

i cant get enough of him.

he annoys me sometimes and i love it. because it makes it real and not so intense twilight tight.

im going to go read twilight and then when i wake up he's coming over with fixin's and kate's making biscuits and gravy. then bradley and i are going to see hot tub time machine.

part of me wants to get him sick so that he can go to the dr. and get meds for me too with his health insurance.

can't talk. can't sing. soul searching here i come.

weed brownie$

have y'all seen Fantastic Mr. Fox yet? GO WATCH IT NOW. awwwwe!

saw it two nights ago with bee rad. then the first half again last night with the roomies. then listened to the second half from my bedroom tonight while katie finished it.

lately i've been so into aim.

tonight i'm all working on the computer and katie and i decide to eat weed cookies her cousin gave her that she had in the freezer.

then twenty minutes after consumption annie cheah came over with weed brownies with REESE'S PIECE'S in them!!!!!!

i'm having a great night.

been working. diddy has a new name. ate a lean pocket. excited about my night alone at home (meaning without bradley bc we r obsessed w ea other and i have a toothbrush at his house). aim-ing with jill (iwearamonacle).

yeah.

thinking about snacks.