in my dream i could hear bradley on the phone with a girl, a friend from home maybe. near the end of their conversation he walked to the bedroom to finish up in private. i came near the door and through a crack i heard him say, "i love you." i lunged at him, "what the fuck?! who is that?!" he ran out of the house and i woke up screaming.
he comes into the bedroom.
after a short while of, "everything's ok?" he goes right in to telling me that his pay check for $600 will only be $300 and then defends his boss to me.
i haven't had a moment to think of anything else.
i go online, i have to look for jobs. facebook opens and the first thing on my feed is bradley-"happy birthday!"- to jeanette.
jeanette drove bradley to work every day. paul, bradley's best friend, when we first started dating, would allude to how bradley likes asians. he would always mention if he saw a hot asian girl, "like the ones you like, bro." jeannette would cry to bradley when her and her boyfriend would fight, then they would go out to lunch together and he would console her. an experience i would kill for from him.
he wonders why i get so annoyed and frustrated, and truly these are the only thoughts ive been allowed to think since waking up.
the day begins with doubt and stress, jealousy and anger.
im not long for this world.
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